Lost Halloween episode.
October 31st has long been more than just another day; it has also been Halloween.
All Hallows Eve
Witches’ night
The End of October
Fat Tuesday
These are just some of the many names the dark night has been called (also known as Batman). But what is this night about and what is it for? What kind of retched history can this so-called Halloween have and, more importantly, why does it involve candy?
Well kiddies, sit back and I shall tell you the horrifying history of Halloween (actually, I’m not going to tell you a whole history, more like some random facts. They will be about Halloween though, not necessarily horrifying but Halloween none-the-less)
Halloween was started in the year 1972(the year of the Lord)
Candy, which has long been an instrument of the Devil (on account of it being so tasty) was chosen to represent Halloween over the Devils other instrument, the Flute.
The idea to actually give children the candy was decided after finding that no one knew what to do with all the candy they had brought.
George Clooney is on record as being the first trick- or- treater (he dressed as a ghost).
The first recorded Bob for Apples game was at George and Marcy’s 1983 Key Party (invitation only) in Tampa Bay, Florida. The term Bob for Apples took on a decidedly different meaning there though, and it was during the month of August.
Happy Halloween.
Stupid article
Peoria, IL- Oliver “Gunman” Nolan, a retired Navy Lt. and Korea veteran is being hailed as a hero today after uncovering a Russian spy network inside his own home. After receiving an anonymous email stating that his computer could be infected by spyware, Oliver raced over to the phone and called the C.I.A., telling them that he did a scan of his computer the previous night and the results were “downright scary.”
Scary does not begin to describe the amount of spyware found on Nolans computer, terrifying is actually a better word, though one could go with frightening, it works just as well.
Regardless, his computer was filled with all sorts of spyware and malware (malevolent ware?), sent by Russian agents so as to infiltrate Americas secrets. Secrets Gunman Nolan should have been keeping secret.
But Gunman Nolan has an online porn addiction.
Sadly, it was soon found out that the spyware came as a direct result to this addiction and the Gunman was promptly arrested. It seems his porn secret is no longer a secret because of the secrets he gave away when he was secretly “hacking” away online. The sites he frequently visited were nothing more than Russian spy networks for Russian spies who placed Russian spyware on the computers of their site’s members.
Let this be a lesson.
Stupid article pt 2
Wilmington, Delaware
Nick Walton, who has had a self-proclaimed “love affair for all things Star Wars” and is the foremost authority in the state of Delaware on memorabilia related to the film, announced to friends online that he’s decided to “grow up and forget about all things Wookie.”
While the change has left family relieved, it has not been kind to the online community he used to love.
We talked to Mos Eisley Cantina Online forum moderator Hammerhead223 and he explained what happened, “There’s no question that Nicks absence has put a mighty big hole in our Dagoba system, especially since he was our Yoda. Its left us all asking what kind of Force was strong enough to pull him away. His online friends have repeatedly told me that they feel like they’ve been thrown down the Sarlacc Pit by Nick. Some have even offered a bounty to the Boba Fett that can bring him back from whatever Phantom Menace took him.
I’ll tell you what I think happened though. A few months ago, he met himself a Leia and started dating. That’s it, I’ve seen it countless times in our Galaxy, once you throw a Leia in the mix and the guys get their lightsabers played with a few times you can pretty much guess what happens to their Star Wars way of life, it gets put in a Carbon Freeze.
I understand though in a way, it gets old having to go Han Solo on your lightsaber all the time. In a strange way, him leaving kind of gives me a New Hope that I might someday find a Leia of my own. ”
Stupid article pt 3, the article strikes back
The makers of the number one headache remedy on the market, Tylenol, held a press conference today so they might “clear the air” about how helpful their migraine pill actually is for the millions of people who buy it on a regular basis.
“Not helpful at all,” according to the spokesman for the company, adding, “We would even go so far as to say that it may actually be responsible for tension headaches these last few years, especially for residents of Maryland, though there have been no conclusive tests done to actually prove this, but it probably has.”
When pressed to explain how Tylenol works and what its active ingredients were the spokesman had this to say, “Chalk, lots of chalk. Also, if I’m not mistaken, tree bark, carrot juice and anger (he wouldn’t explain what he meant by anger).
He did add one positive note to Tylenol and its makers, telling reporters how proud he was to be making prescription strength Tylenol 3, “It really is the shit, isn’t it? Those people who thought it up are gods among men in my opinion. You got pain? Take a T3. You got arthritis? Take a mutha fuckin T3! You got a party to get to? Pop a T-to-tha-3 and feel as good as you can be.”
Headlines
1 out of 20 Americans are living with Gymnastics, a special report
Civil war reenactment leaves 36 dead and the South in charge
Great Pumpkin refuses to show yet again
So that’s all for now. I got more but will tell you about them next time I need filler. Drive safe.
Talker99 